I am really thankful because my boyfriend keeps on supporting me and for feeding me positive thoughts. I’ve never been so grateful to have him. I’ve been at my worst these past few weeks. I noticed how the little things irritate me (and my boyfriend also noticed it) because I have been on friend duties nonstop and I’ve been balancing all our school works on top of that. I’ve been keeping a lot inside though I’ve been ranting to my boyfriend nonstop too. And I appreciate how he understands me and listens to me.
I can’t wait to go home this weekend. I can’t wait to have a date with him. We’ve been going out almost every weekend, when we can, to eat. Yes. Stress eating with my boyfriend. A solution after having a hard week to calm me. Haha. And when we can’t go out, we just hang out at my house.
I’ve never been thankful to have him last weekend! When he saw how haggard I was and that I was so tired and pissed off. He just looked at me. I was about to cry (well, I cried okay) because of having tough weeks due to our bombarded weeks of quizzes, projects, homework, seat works, etc. I just couldn’t handle anything anymore! And my when I came home to relax in Tarlac, all I got was a scolding from my mom. And I wasn’t doing anything. It hurt. Every little bit in me hurt. And I was silent the whole time because I don’t want to fight back. And when I had enough, I went outside. I wanted to run but that’s the best I could do. To go away and just stay at a place where I can release myself. My boyfriend and I went out and so that was my chance to get away from our house. I was silent when he came to pick me up. And he was looking at me. I couldn’t look at him because I wanted to cry already. And I kept agreeing with him with all the things he was saying. While we were walking towards the mall, he kept looking at me. I was staring into space and I kept questioning God: Why now? Of all the days I can be dumped with negativity, why now? Now that I need help. Now that I wanted to talk to my mom. Why now? When I am so stressed and holding on by a thread?
My boyfriend had a little trouble himself. And I did not speak when he was a little pissed off because I just can’t handle anything anymore. So he spoke first. He told me I look really haggard. I told him I don’t want to go home. He asked me why. I told him I’ll tell him later. I haven’t gotten any sleep because of reviewing last Friday night. My friends look stressed like how I look. We went around the mall and I was still silent. We decided to buy pizza. I told him I don’t want to go home yet. We had a little argument about the pizza thing and where to go. But when I stayed silent, he started to compromise. He talked to me in a different tone and I was very thankful. While waiting for the pizza, he asked again why I don’t want to go home. So I told him what happened. And I thought I was okay already. But I kind of cried. It was hard trying not to. I cried a little because I don’t want to cry in a public place. So I told him the story and he comforted me. I think he understood me and he suggested we eat the pizza in his house. Then he made a joke. I laughed for the first time that night.I laughed and I was so grateful because it felt good. It felt real.
We went to his house and watched TV with his twin brother and older sister. All along, that was what I wanted. A little haven to forget all my problems at home.My mom texted me where I was. But I wasn’t ready to go home yet. So I stayed a little in their house. I couldn’t explain the feeling I felt that night. It was as if their house separated me from my problems in my own home and the stress my school is giving us. And after an hour, he decided that I should go home and rest already. I did. I went home and I was silent the whole night in my home.
I know people may have it worst than me. But I am just a human being; flawed and hurt. We hurt on different levels. And maybe I am weak because this is the level where I hurt the most. But I thanked God for the blessing, the problems, and the stress. I thanked Him because I know in time this will strengthen me more.